Be the change you wish to see in the world...

- Gandhi

Monday, November 18, 2013

Learning To Let Go and Receive

VeegMama explains how to let go and receiveI am sitting on my couch as I write this, with my swollen ankle elevated and an ice bag propped on top of it.  I fell leaving my yoga studio last Tuesday (ironic, isn't it...) and tore a couple of ligaments in my right ankle.  Several days into being laid up on the sofa so that I can get the swelling down, I am fighting my way out of a bad mood funk.  For a busy mom of three with "places to go and people to see," a cast and crutches felt like a death sentence.  I am  going to Vegas in two days for a long anticipated business/pleasure trip with my husband.  Hanukkah starts in a week and I have a stack of presents to be wrapped and a house to decorate.  Then, I have to do my Thanksgiving grocery shopping, and the other dinners I will be hosting for Hanukkah.  I need to be gearing myself up, not slowing myself down.  

But then, maybe not.  Recently, my mind and body had been exhausted.  I had been practicing my self care and honoring my time by cutting back on commitments and simplifying life, but I was still feeling tense, stressed, and overwhelmed with everything on my plate.  Even my self care routine was beginning to feel like one more thing to cross off my "to-do" list, instead of a welcome retreat from the daily madness.

These last few days have been extremely difficult for me.  It is not the pain and discomfort in my ankle that have been challenging (although that has not been easy!), but the realization that I must let go of control and start to receive from others.  I am blessed with concerned and accommodating friends and family who have come to my aid immediately.  I didn't even have to ask and they have been here for me.  I should be basking in their care and the slower pace my life has been forced to take, but instead I am fighting back tears and grumbling about all that I am not getting done.   

After heeding the advice of several family members and close friends, I am really trying to accept things as they are right now and realize that this is only temporary.  I am working to allow other people to take over my reins, and let things happen without me directing everything.  It will be okay.  I accept that I cannot do it all.  As I dig a little deeper, I admit that I am actually appreciating the time to not have to run around town, shuttling my kids here and there.  I am grateful for the the time to just sit and think and write.  I am enjoying the help and kind words that people are offering.  It is nice to have someone else cook dinner and make school lunches.  It feels good to be taken care of and loved.  Yes, but it is difficult for me to receive and accept the help.  

As I begin to appreciate the beauty of the universe, I realize that this is exactly what I needed.  The fall to my ankle was an obvious physical sign from the Universe to slow down, but it was also gift - a gift of time to be able to reflect and make some changes: Ask for more help;  Stop running so much; Make time to sit; Quiet the mind; Let go more; Receive.  

I wish I was more graceful in this situation.  I want to be more patient, more gracious, and more positive - and I am starting today.  I may not have had a choice with what happened (bad things just happen some times, but I do have a choice in how I react and respond.  Let me choose grace, gratitude, and love.