Thanksgiving Thanks and Freedoms

Happy Thanksgiving, Veegs!  I hope you are enjoying today with as much joy as I am - full of delicious food, fabulous company, and overflowing love and laughter.  As every year and every day, I have much for which to give thanks.  Today, on the first day of Hanukkah, I also celebrate the many freedoms I experience in my life.  I'd like to give thanks for those today.  

I am thankful for the freedom to…

Live a life of joy

Work and be a stay at home mom

Live openly about who I love and married

Vote and have a voice in the community

Work outside the home

Raise children in a safe and stimulating community

Choose my religion and practice it openly

Live in one of the most beautiful places in the world

What are you thankful for?  What freedoms do you experience every day that deserve your thanks.  Share them with the VeegMama community in the comments below.

Learning To Let Go and Receive

I am sitting on my couch as I write this, with my swollen ankle elevated and an ice bag propped on top of it.  I fell leaving my yoga studio last Tuesday (ironic, isn't it...) and tore a couple of ligaments in my right ankle.  Several days into being laid up on the sofa so that I can get the swelling down, I am fighting my way out of a bad mood funk.  For a busy mom of three with "places to go and people to see," a cast and crutches felt like a death sentence.  I am  going to Vegas in two days for a long anticipated business/pleasure trip with my husband.  Hanukkah starts in a week and I have a stack of presents to be wrapped and a house to decorate.  Then, I have to do my Thanksgiving grocery shopping, and the other dinners I will be hosting for Hanukkah.  I need to be gearing myself up, not slowing myself down.  

But then, maybe not.  Recently, my mind and body had been exhausted.  I had been practicing my self care and honoring my time by cutting back on commitments and simplifying life, but I was still feeling tense, stressed, and overwhelmed with everything on my plate.  Even my self care routine was beginning to feel like one more thing to cross off my "to-do" list, instead of a welcome retreat from the daily madness.

These last few days have been extremely difficult for me.  It is not the pain and discomfort in my ankle that have been challenging (although that has not been easy!), but the realization that I must let go of control and start to receive from others.  I am blessed with concerned and accommodating friends and family who have come to my aid immediately.  I didn't even have to ask and they have been here for me.  I should be basking in their care and the slower pace my life has been forced to take, but instead I am fighting back tears and grumbling about all that I am not getting done.   

After heeding the advice of several family members and close friends, I am really trying to accept things as they are right now and realize that this is only temporary.  I am working to allow other people to take over my reins, and let things happen without me directing everything.  It will be okay.  I accept that I cannot do it all.  As I dig a little deeper, I admit that I am actually appreciating the time to not have to run around town, shuttling my kids here and there.  I am grateful for the the time to just sit and think and write.  I am enjoying the help and kind words that people are offering.  It is nice to have someone else cook dinner and make school lunches.  It feels good to be taken care of and loved.  Yes, but it is difficult for me to receive and accept the help.  

As I begin to appreciate the beauty of the universe, I realize that this is exactly what I needed.  The fall to my ankle was an obvious physical sign from the Universe to slow down, but it was also gift - a gift of time to be able to reflect and make some changes: Ask for more help;  Stop running so much; Make time to sit; Quiet the mind; Let go more; Receive.  

I wish I was more graceful in this situation.  I want to be more patient, more gracious, and more positive - and I am starting today.  I may not have had a choice with what happened (bad things just happen some times, but I do have a choice in how I react and respond.  Let me choose grace, gratitude, and love.  

Thank You Poem

Chris Assaad is a singer/songwriter who inspires others with his inspirational music and writings. I read him often on The Daily Love.  Recently he posted the beautiful poem below about gratitude.  He's currently performing it as a spoken word, but I would love to hear it as a song.  Given the season of thanks upon us, I wanted to share it with you all as a pre-Thanksgiving gift.  I hope you enjoy it.

Dear Uni-verse,

Thank you for this beautiful day,
This moment right here.
I’m alive and with both eyes I can see,
And with both ears I can hear.

Thank you for the gift of life and love
My heart’s filled up and I’ve always had more than enough
To eat and drink, to sleep and dream
To wake and find all you provide for me so abundantly.

Thank you for all the people I know.
The ones I can’t help but love and the ones that help me grow.
Thank you for all my brothers and sisters,
For all my teachers and listeners
And for anyone you’ve ever sent to hear or bring a message.
Yes, I know we’re all connected.
I know we are all one and I’m blessed to have a witness
Yes, I am blessed to be your son.

Thank you for all the little things that lift me up and make me sing.
The power of a simple smile, the sweetness of a soft touch and the soothing sound of a voice I haven’t heard in a while.
The cozy feeling I get from a warm breeze, a cuppa peppermint tea and my favorite chocolate chip cookies.
Yes, thank you with all my heart for all of these.

A special thank you for creativity, the gift you’ve given all of us to live in possibility,
To use our hands and fill the space to be with what was once just make believe.
Thank you for sweet melodies that pull our heart strings and rhythms that move our dancing feet,
For painted pictures the color of everything and for the depth of the big blue sea.
Thank you for the way of the written word and the magic of what we can imagine
When we close our eyes and let our higher minds see.

Thank you, thank you for all the “good” and “bad” stuff that happens to teach us the true meaning of love.
For every lesson that allows to us go deeper down the well of trust and find faith that we’re here for a reason,
That we all have a meaning in the grand scheme of human being so that we can discover our true purpose,
Know our core essence and realize it was all worth it.

Thank you for all the ups and downs, the hard days and the ones we celebrate
Deep down, I know, it’s all amazing.
This life is so crazy, so full of wonder,
So much that I sometimes wish I could get younger
With each day so that I could go back to the start and do it all again
And say thank you at every step of the way.

You can read more about Chris here.

Eating Tacos And Other Moments To Make You Happier!

I had the great fortune of hearing Nataly Kogan, founder and CEO of Happier,  speak at BlogHer 2013 a week and a half ago, where she talked about people and their capacity for happiness.  She believes there is no such thing as a state of happiness, but rather a set of individual moments strung together that defines happiness.  As I strive to live the good life, finding joy in each moment while trying to live and appreciate as many of those moments as possible, Nataly's philosophy really resonated with me.

I was excited to learn she created an app to help people string their moments together.  As Nataly shared, research shows that people who write down a few things each day they are grateful for report being more optimistic and less stressed (click here for said research!)  This colorful, fun app allows you to type in these moments (with prompts like "Nice day out?" and "Did your kids make you smile?") and add pictures if you want.  You can then categorize them into "happy" buckets and share them with others or keep private for yourself.  It is like an online, photo gratitude journal.  I love it and am having so much fun with it.  I even find myself logging in to review old happy posts I have added, or read what other people are doing that makes them happier.

As I got started with this app, I realized that I have a lot of happy moments.  It got me thinking about how I fit in all this "happy" stuff with such a busy, overwhelmed, full to brim life.  I have discovered that it's pretty easy and probably comes naturally to most of us without even realizing it.  As far as I can analyze, here's my formula for happier moments.

• Plan happy moments - Subconsciously, I am always planning the next happy moment.  I am a gal who likes to look to the future - always have been, and I guess I always will be.  I like to have things to look forward to.  I plan things into every week (daily if I can) that I am excited about doing.  These can be simple like blocking off time to scrapbook, or having tacos with my family... to something more elaborate like tickets to see my favorite artist, or a special trip.

• Schedule in happiness - That's right - put it in your calendar.  Don't talk about "I'll be happier when..."  Put that "when" into your calendar now!  I know that journaling and meditating first thing in the morning make me happier during the rest of my day.  Guess what I do?  I block that time off in my planner and keep it sacred for that purpose.  

• Eat your way to happiness - For me, food and wine are always on my happy list.  I plan a special lunch and/or dinner (or at least, good food that I look forward to eating) weekly.  I savor the meal and really enjoy it.  It really does make me happier.

• Share happiness - I crave human contact.  As a writer, I can get quite isolated and stuck in my "zone" away from others.  I need to make sure I make time to be around people in meaningful ways throughout my week to balance that out.  To help me achieve that, I am in a book club and other groups that meet periodically.  I also try to schedule a lunch or coffee date with a friend or colleague once a week to get me out of my "shell."

• Make happiness a routine - This sounds simple, but you'd be surprised.  If you really go inward and identify what makes you happy, you'll notice some patterns that come up.  For example, I mentioned the journaling and meditation above.  Exercise is another one for me.  These are all things that are part of my daily routine.  Try to put your patterns into regularity in your life and you'll feel the happy boost too.

• Start and end the day with happiness - You are guaranteed a great day and great sleep when you do this.  It can be something as simple as cup of green tea in a special cup or a favorite song or prayer you recite...maybe a glance out the window at the stars...or a deep breath of fresh air outside on your balcony.  Pick something and be happier!

Try out this new app - available for free in iTunes - and let me know what you think!

My Thank You Letter To My Kids This Mother's Day

When I was a kid, I received gifts on Mother's Day from my mom (still do, actually).  One year, I remarked to her, "Mama, why do we get gifts on Mother's Day?  It's your holiday."  She smiled and told me, "I wouldn't be a mother without you, so I like to give you a gift to say thank you for the gift of motherhood you have given me."  That moment has stayed with me throughout the years.  This year, I had an idea to write a letter and read it to them during our morning snuggle on Mother's Day.  I'd like to share it with you and hopefully, inspire you to remember the little things that make motherhood so grand, especially in the face of the day-to-day grind when motherhood can sometimes feel like a thankless job, despite all of our efforts.

Dear Kids,

Happy Mother's Day to me, but really Happy Mother's Day to you!  I wouldn't be a mama without you and for that I owe you everything.  My little munchkins, thank you for...

• Teaching me to play, listen, and live in the moment
• Reminding me what's important - like playing one more game of CandyLand (instead of getting dinner on the table right at 6pm)
• Showing me how much fun it is to break the rules some times 
• Re-reading old favorites and discovering new books together
• Helping me realize, "I am not an octopus!"
• Giving me reasons to play 
• Providing me with opportunities to make a difference not only in your lives, but in those of other children in our community through the volunteer work and activities I get involved with because of you
• Pushing me past my comfort zone to do things I have never done before (like riding an elephant, starting a petition, going to City Council...)
• Reuniting me with my passion for writing children's literature
• Inspiring me to do better - be better - and live better - for myself and our family...

But most of all, thank you for lighting my life with purpose and challenge.  You'll never know how you've changed me for good.  It is because of you that I truly live the good life.

What Saying Thank You Taught Me

Last month I posted about a gratitude project I took on for the month: 30 days of saying thank you by sending a postcard each day for a month to someone different.  (If you missed it, you can read the post here.)  It was a fulfilling project in more ways than one.  Here's what I learned:


There is nothing too small for a thank you: I found an abundance of people to thank the first few days of this project.  At first, I was flooded with obvious recipients who had helped me with something, or had done me a favor.  But, as I delved deeper into the month, I had to look beyond the obvious things that you thank people for, and think about other things for which I was grateful - intangibles, like sentiments I received or feelings I was filled with because of a friendship or a conversation.  I began thanking for those small things in life, which are of course, the big things that matter.

Saying thank you can be more about the receiver than giver: I embarked on this project as way to experience more joy in my life.  By showing gratitude daily, I hoped to form a habit that stuck with me far beyond the 30 days (and it has).  I have known for some time that it feels far greater to give than receive, but I was unprepared for the response I received from some of my thank you postcards.  My thank you struck some deep emotional chords, and with some people, landed in their mailbox at a time when they needed it most (unbeknown to me).  I was bringing joy to them as much as they were bringing it to me by just saying "thanks."  I loved the phone calls, emails and in-person hugs that my cards generated.  Joy in the flesh!


It's never too late to say thank you: I worried at first that some of my thank you's were tardy.  Maybe the sentiment would be forgotten since it was long overdue.  From my experience, there is no expiration date on a thank you, and as it turns out, it was much appreciated and the gesture far outweighed any consciousness about the timing of it.

Gratitude is habit forming: Once I got going, sending my daily postcards took a life of their own.  The process became a daily ritual for me - take the card out of the box, place the pen on the paper and write.  I thought deeply about what I wanted to thank for.  (I got better at writing my thank you's with each day).  I tried to go beyond the obvious, but thank for something the recipient might not know they had done for me...changed in me.

What I know for sure after this experience is that I must be conscious daily of the abundance in my life. I must express gratitude routinely and robustly to fully appreciate all of the riches right in front of me.  There was little room for pessimism and complaints when I focused on all I had to be thankful for, and because I was actively thinking of people to thank, I was constantly churning my mental Rolodex for things I was thankful for.  This is a great exercise that I plan to continue on a weekly basis...definitely a must in the good life "tool box."

A Whole New Take on the "Thank You" Card

I am trying something new this month.  Every day in the month of March, I am sending a thank you card.  I have found that I feel and live my best when I am actively in a state of gratitude.  Whether it is a simple "thank you" out loud to my husband for giving my son a bath so I could finish up some emails, a written list at the end of the day in my gratitude journal, or a morning affirmation that expresses thanks for the abundance in my life, it all builds momentum towards a lifestyle of appreciation and thankfulness that feels increasingly good.

This month, I am kicking my gratitude practice up a notch with Lori Portka's Gratitude Kit.  "A Month of Thank You's" is a gift to yourself and 30 people in your life to express your love and gratitude.  The thank you can be for something big or small.  It does not matter for what you thank, as long as you do it once a day to 30 different people.  The ritual and habit of this practice will change you instantly.

I have had so much fun making my list of those to thank and being thoughtful about the reasons to thank them.  The actual ritual of addressing and mailing the card every day is becoming a habit.

I love Lori Portka's kit.  It even comes with stamps!  Her cards are beautiful and inspired.  Of course, you can use your own cards - or take it up another level and make your own!  How and who will you thank today?

Thanks and Giving: My Gratitude Tool Box

Goofyfoot Photography, 2012

I consider myself very fortunate.  I have three healthy, happy children, a loving partner, a supportive family who all live within an hour drive, and amazing friends that I love like family.  I have a job that I enjoy and only have to work at part time, leaving me time to pursue my many passions that inevitably turn into projects with lives of their own.  If that wasn't enough, I live in Southern California, inarguably one of the best locales in the world, in a beautiful home that my husband and I created and built together.  Yep, pretty darn fortunate.

In my opinion, with fortune should come gratitude.  November is the perfect time to reinforce this idea, but really, thanks and giving should be something we do all year long, don't ya think?  Saying thanks and giving back just make the world go round and bring all of that beautiful karmic energy into full circle rotation.  I truly believe in the the tenet, "you get what you give."  In that spirit, gratitude has become a large part of my daily practice and attitude.  As a mama, of course, that spills over onto my kids.  I know I am doing a good job when my three year-old son often thanks me without prompting for all the "little" things I do in his life (making dinner, taking him to the park, going to a birthday party).  Nothing makes me prouder when my girls say "thank you" to others without a grudging reminder from me.

It's not easy, but I have found that when I practice gratitude daily, I am a happier and more productive person.  For those who are really good at it, it's like an art form to watch.  Below are the tools in my gratitude "tool box" that I pull out daily and weekly to keep me and my family in the practice of thanksgiving throughout the year.

• Mine the moment - Find something in the moment that feels good and let's you just take in the feeling of it.  This is especially helpful during those times when you are a speeding taxi driver, shuttling kids to after school activities and they are arguing with each other in the backseat!  

• Keep a gratitude journal - Even on the toughest of days, we all should be able to find at least one thing that we are grateful for.  Write it down.  Write something.  Once a day.  Refer to it often. 

• Say thank you before you go to bed - We do this with our kids every night at bedtime.  It can be part of your prayers, if you are religious, or just a reflective moment as you shut off the lights.  I ask the kids, "What are you thankful for today?"  The answers are always rewarding, and sometimes surprising, inspiring, and enlightening.

• Highs and Lows - This is another one for the family.  At dinner each night, my family goes around the table and shares their "highs" from the day (something that made them happy) and their "lows" (something that made them sad).  It's a great way to get kids in the habit of seeing the good in their day when they might have had some troubles too.  I also love the conversation and problem solving it sometimes provokes among siblings who offer up "That's okay" and "At least, you didn't..."  They are learning to be optimistic and see the bright sides of their lows.

• Say it out loud - I will randomly interrupt conversations between my kids when I am mining the moment (see above) and proclaim, "I just have to say how grateful I am for this moment we are having."  They usually look at each other with their "Mommy is crazy" look, but the habit of actually saying it out loud (as opposed to just writing it in my journal) immediately sky rockets my endorphins and puts a smile on all of our faces.

• Get caught in the act - I love my kids to see me making someone a meal, making a card, or wrapping a special gift.  They almost always ask me why I am doing what I am doing, which provokes an easy way to talk about nice things we can do for others because we are able to.  At the end of the convo, I often get them asking to help me with the task I am doing.

• Pay it forward - I love this one!  You've seen the movie.  Do something nice for someone and they do something nice for the next person, and so on.  Have you heard about those people that buy a cup of coffee for the person behind them in line?  It happens and it works!  I have done the same thing for someone's parking toll.  And why stop there?  What about someone's ice cream cone or bagel or newspaper?  You'll be smiling all the way to your car and for the rest of the day.

How do you practice gratitude?  What "tools" do you or your family use?